The kinds of resolutions I don't usually make

I know a lot of folks think that new year's resolutions are a waste of time, but I have to admit that I am a big fan. I've always been a sucker for a clean slate...plus I get to make a list, which is one of my all time favorite hobbies.

I usually go with the usual practical standbys- lose weight, spend less money, read more books, get better grades...and while I am still trying to keep an eye on all of those things in 2013, I'm thinking it would feel really, really nice to throw in a few that might make me feel better while I do them, as opposed to feeling pressured under threat of failure.

So here they are.

In 2013, maybe I will...

..say no a little more often, and not feel guilty about it.  It's not that I never refuse a request for help, just that I often wait until I'm out of energy to do it.  And sometimes that means that I refuse to do something I otherwise would have been happy to do, because I've already spent my resources elsewhere.  In short, I want to be more judicious with my time and energy.

...remind myself that I am completely capable of being a productive team member.  I am constantly anxious over my responsibilities, primarily those related to work and research but also occasionally coursework and personal stuff, because I somehow feel that I am not good enough to meet these challenges.  Of course, I will not perform spectacularly at every turn- I am no better than anyone else.  But it turns out I'm not less able either.  And acting as though I am will only harm both my productivity and my psyche.

...cook awesome stuff as often as possible.  Ok, so this does not fit with the initial theme in the sense that it's decidedly specific and practical, but it IS intended to bring more joy and and contentment into my life. It keeps me in the present, and I need that so, so badly. I miss cooking and baking and feeling like I live in a real home. I actually did a reasonably good job of maintaining this balance last semester- maybe not all the time, but overall I managed better than I thought I would. It helped a lot, so I anticipate that putting even greater emphasis on it now could only help more.

In any case, I accept at this point in my life that I am an anxious person by nature (or by environment, but clearly that ship has sailed, so in my experience it doesn't do much good to overanalyze!) and I don't want that to define me.  Life has too much to offer.

Happy 2013 guys. 

pssst....I'm still here.  ;)

Spent some of last night and most of today so far in front of the computer.  I'm about on track for the goals I set for the weekend.  Now all I've got to do is keep the momentum going. I've one assignment (due tomorrow) a little less than half done, another (due next week) almost completely done and a third that I spent a good hour on, though it hasn't even gotten out of the gate yet.  Clearly I need to rethink my strategy on that one.  Also refined my list of places to look for internships, but I wanna give that another hour or two this weekend as well.


Not that you needed to know all that.  I just needed to type it.  You know how it is. Keeping my tenuous grasp on reality and all that jazz.

In other "news", I'm still dreadful at identifying bony landmarks.  And also at keeping my sink clear of scuzzy dishes. But today, unlike last week (sorry about that again, btw), I am ok with that.

Mom and Mar and the whole gang at home are doing ok...power in and out, no gas and so on just like everyone else but no major catastrophes that I know of.  Hope you all are hangin' in there as well.

Whining...feel free to ignore

I'm exhausted.  It's not even two in the afternoon, and I could absolutely fall asleep right here at my desk if I let myself.  The ridiculous part, though, is how much stuff I'm not managing to get done despite the fact that I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying really hard to be a useful member of society.  I have a midterm do in just over 24 hours that's maybe halfway done, there's an Osteology quiz on Monday that could easily mop the floor with me, and when I look at my inbox and the pile of papers on my desk I kinda wanna cry. .

Help.

Is this how it's supposed to be?  Going and going and getting nowhere?  I need to figure out what I can do to mitigate this hamster-wheel situation.  I don't know what's me and what's grad school life. I just know that I'm friggin' tired.

Cleaned the apartment for the first time since I moved in.  It feels quite nice to live like a human being. Coffee's on the stove and I'm about to settle in for a bit with Randi's copy of Guns, Germs and Steel, which it actually assigned reading for my Molecular Anthro Class.  Yet another reminder that I belong here.  ;)

After that, I'm heading to a great little mystical shop to see about spending part of the generous gift certificate Mark and Claire gave me when I moved, then to drop off some books to the Salvation Army.  I've decided to give books away as soon as I finish reading them, so that maybe someday I won't be moving around the country with two suitcases of clothes and a cabin stacked with books.  I hear you can get a lot of info off the interwebs nowadays anyway.


Happy Saturday, lovely readers (Allegedly, there are TWO of you now!!).  Enjoy your weekend.  It's a new season- let's make it awesome.

I can't even believe how much stuff I let happen since the last post without writing it down.  At first I was too frazzled- I literally had to check my planner to make sure I knew what day it was. Then I was grumpy because my original local living arrangement imploded in a rather impressive way, which still might or might not end in some sort of legal whatnot. I don't wanna talk about it 'cause it still stresses me out. Now I'm just regular old busy, for the most part.

The important thing is that I'm still here. I'm in a really nice little apartment now, keeping up (mostly) on my assignments and slowly-but-surely getting over my fear that I'm going to be fired from my GA-ship ANY MINUTE NOW. I don't always feel completely on top of everything, but I'm keeping my shit together way better than I might have a few years ago.

More thoughts on Evo Psych

Ok, lots of stuff.  This one's not ready for the public, but I'm putting it out there anyway.  Thoughts and comments would be very much appreciated here.  I'm thinking about how EP is FUNDAMENTALLY not the same as other evolutionary sciences.  We are not talking about discrete variable or even things that can be tracked on a simple linear continuum (pigmentation or whatever).  Personality and behavior are SO intrinsically multifaceted that it's hard enough just to pin down what you are even looking at.  Should a discipline be penalized for trying to study something that is simply really, really hard to fully grasp?  Everything I said last time still stands- I'm not saying there's not a long way to go and that proponents of EP don't need to step up their game, maybe, but the field is really just starting out. Statistically significant results are usually worth looking at in a larger context.  They might not always (or even often...who knows) meant precisely what EP authors suggest that that mean, but I think it's worth finding out 1. What they DO really and truly suggest from a scientific standpoint and 2. what we can do to further contextualize those findings and build something more convincing from them.