Writing on purpose is hard!

Also hard?  Writing about parenting when you are not a parent.

I've spent the past three days typing and deleting about a half dozen attempts to put together a meaningful article on attachment parenting co-sleeping and all I have to show for it is a semi-decent intro and a link to James McKenna's website, where readers can go to learn about all the stuff I can't seem to manage to sum up on my own.

The thing is, I am invested in this topic. Every time I hear someone go off on their unsubstantiated tangents about how sleeping near your kids is ridiculous and backward and just the stupidest thing ever, it makes me want to tear my hair out. I really want to write something that might make someone stop and re-think their knee jerk opposition to co-sleeping because the appeal, for me is not only based in the science (of which there is a good amount), but also in the idea that it just makes sense to me on a very fundamental level. And so although there is a bias that I want to avoid having show through in the article, it's in the background coloring my thoughts on the subject, making me excitable and chipping away at my focus. I want to keep piling on the evidence- from physiological studies, yes, but also from ethnographic accounts and psychological literature. Each of these perspectives alone can fill a book. And everything I present can be- and probably is, somewhere in the vastness of the web- refuted with equal conviction.  So there's that to address, too, if I am going to do this right.

The scope of this subject is bigger than I realized, and my desire to responsibly and thoroughly discuss everything about it  is paralyzingly ambitious even without bringing in the fact that my not having children will potentially cost me a lot of credibility with some readers right off the bat.

Of course, this isn't all about co-sleeping at all.  I will likely find myself up against the same challenges when I try to write about vaccines, or mental health or obesity or pretty much any of the topics I would feel compelled to weigh in on in a public forum.  This is about me learning how to effectively deal with false starts and crummy first drafts and meandering paths to a final piece.  It's about me being letting something be not-so-good before it gets good and accepting- really accepting- and taking advantage of the fact that my perspective is limited and a responsible piece of writing in the social science simply should not be crafted just in the microcosm of the author's head.

So there it is.  I'm not sure how much to say, how to say it, or who I should rightfully say it to.  Clearly I am off to a great start.

Ethnography of a millenial anthropology blogger

I've decided for the sake of authenticity (and bookmarks) to keep this url for all posts related to the science writing course and beyond. This means, of course, that Dr. Little will maintain his current access to the occasional stuff-you-don't-necessarily-discuss-with-your-professor, but it also means that I can freely explore the experience of bringing biomedical anthropology to a larger audience without obsessing over where my different voices begin and end.

Which is important, because as I've said before- anthropology is about context.  Holism and relativism are hallmarks of the field; we operate intentionally and unapologetically in the gray areas and I'm going to put my money where my mouth is.  I expect it to be something of a challenge, as I've seen a number of bloggers struggle to find a balanced style that is both natural and professional.  And the topics that are at the heart of biomedical anthropology often necessitate discussion of sensitive topics such as race, class, identity, parenting practices and countless others. I am sure there will be missteps along the way, and I am just as sure that this will be a worthy learning experience that will ultimately make me a better scholar, a better contributor to the larger community and possibly even a better person.

Here's to the adventure.

So I am just over a month shy of my 30th birthday and two weeks away from the start of my final semester at Binghamton.  I don't know how this happened or where the past two years have gone, but this is a pretty fantastic feeling.  I've been compiling a list of companies that look like they might consider hiring a biomedical anthropologists...no leads yet, but it's early.

I probably don't need to mention that this blog didn't exactly fulfill its highest potential thus far. In my grandest get-yer-ass-in-gear effort to date, however, I have signed myself up for a credit bearing independent study (Science Writing in Biological Anthropology) that will require a substantial commitment to maintaining an active online voice.  Of course, given that I've created the syllabus for this little gem, the effectiveness of the plan has some limitations.

ANYwho, I'm heading off to Seattle tomorrow to visit Brennan and meet his fiancee, then will be spending the rest of the break earning some pocket money at the construction company and tying up working on starting some projects that I'd really like to have completed before I go back. I don't know if my "official" professional blog will be here or not (I feel like there's maybe a lot of whining over here, and that maybe a lot of whining is not how one wants to debut her professional presence...yes? No? Let me know.)  Either way, I'll surely be in touch.

Thinking this morning about how easily (comparatively, anyway) I am able to feel free to live my life when I am away from home. I saw a souvenir from Sky City out of the corner of my eye (the $5 wildlife travel mug that I used for my cardamom coffee every morning but was useless for actual travel because it didn't fit into any cup holders) and the disconnect between that girl and my current self was almost palpable.  It knocked the wind out of me for a second. At first I brushed it off as simple nostalgia- the way that everything is always more perfectly itself in the retelling-but then I realized that it's really the weight of my history that keeps me up at night worrying and playing what-if.  It's the ghosts of everyone I've loved who is not here anymore, and the immediate reminder that the ones who are left won't be here forever.  I won't be here forever. It's the way that standing in the kitchen I've known for 25 years makes me remember all of the things I thought I was going to do, but didn't.

I had always assumed that leaving home and starting my "real" life in a new place would make me stronger, would prove my courage.  I'm starting to understand now that staying home will be much harder.

Today is one of those days when my thoughts are flying around too quickly and chaotically for me to do anything constructive with them.  It's not the most pleasant feeling, because I am constantly aware of a sense of "wasting" time or ideas, but I am starting to realize that it's not something I am likely to ever get away from completely, nor is it something I can overcome through sheer force of will.  My natural inclination when it happens is to get into an argument with my mind, insisting that it slow down and make itself useful, but that usually just ends in a very unproductive internal shouting match.

So I guess for now I am just going to sit with this and remind myself that the time will come for whatever is stewing around in my brain.  Eventually, the individual strands will make themselves known and I will begin to be able to build them into something concrete and workable.  Good thing I am so good at being patient. 

Hey, remember me?  It's only been about three months since I last promised to start updating on a regular basis.

I've been running around like a nut pretty consistently since the last post- or, at least, it's felt that way.  The second half of the semester was pretty rough and I have to admit that, as had been the trend up til then, I didn't cope with it as well as I could have.  It all worked out, though.  I finished the semester with a 4.0 and I am reasonably certain that my advisor still thinks I am a worthwhile human being.

Right now I'm home in Jersey finishing out an internship with the Morris County Office of Health Management.  It's not exactly what I'd had in mind going into this whole internship deal, but then I really couldn't tell you what I *did* have in mind.  Regardless, I have learned quite a lot and I'm sure my experience here will color my decision making in terms of career prospects from here on out.

I'll be heading back to Bing August 22nd to meet the incoming crew at orientation.  I'm actually really looking forward to seeing everyone again and being back in my apartment. The pressure should let up significantly this year now that I won't be working as a graduate assistant. I'm looking forward to focusing on my studies and on professional development, and having the mental and physical energy left over to take care of myself.

Hope everyone's summer is going well.  Let me know what's new in the comments.

Paul Salopek has another updated online here. It's a bit long but worth a read.

Spring break has so far been like an extended Saturday, with half of my time spent halfheartedly attempting to get work done and the other half assiduously avoiding the very thought of responsibility.  My intentions have been really good, though.  You should see my to-do list.