I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to truly embrace your whole self- to be fully present in your life, proactively making decisions and not apologizing all the time.  And these internal conversations are always make me feel kind of ambivalent, because on one hand I am getting SO MUCH better at that lately, but on the other hand...it's just taken so damn long.  And I've got so much further to go. I get sad when I think about the opportunities I wasted out of fear or (worse, and more frequently) the chronic assumption of my own inferiority. I didn't just suffer from imposter syndrome in grad school- honestly, it's been more like the running theme of my life.

I'm not saying that to rally up a bunch of ego stroking. I understand that I have accomplished some neat things in my life, and I understand equally the factors that have kept me from accomplishing other neat stuff. This insecurity just happens to be one of the latter. And anyway the good news is that the bottom line of this post is not my history, it's the fact that I'm starting to see a destructive internal dynamic for what it is and now I can do something about it.

So I'm speaking up in meetings at work.  I'm bringing new ideas to the table, even if I know they might bomb.  I'm going on dates and not wearing Spanx. This is a new and exciting chapter in my life.

It's freeing, really. I think I'm gonna like it.

Happy New Year everyone!

I'll be spending my afternoon in front of the TV catching up on DVRed episodes of Forever and perhaps having ice cream for dinner.  Here's a quick list of things I hope to make happen in 2015

- better Twitter presence
- more updates here
- more time outdoors
- less worrying about resources
- less clutter, of all kind

How about you? 

Running on Empty

Apologies for the even-longer-than-usual absence. I've been quite busy burying myself in a haze of Netflix- fueled denial working on the job search, and it seems it has finally paid off.  I start an Americorps position as a program coordinator next Wednesday, and while the living stipend is quite minimal, I'm pretty psyched about the opportunity. I'm really looking forward to meeting new people, building on my nonprofit skill set, and just generally having someplace important to be every day.

And honestly, this came through just in time. It recently occurred to me (see: Netflix-fueled denial) that I'm just about out of just about everything.  Actual money. Fake money, in the form of open credit.  Gas in my car. Energy. As it happens, at this very moment I'm even about to run out of battery on my cell phone.

This isn't me complaining, though (Lord knows I've done enough of that lately to anyone unfortunate enough to cross my path in real life).  It's just an acknowledgement that this summer I've experienced something totally new to me- real money trouble.  It's not that I've never been broke before- as a nonprofit volunteer and an Anthropologist, I've pretty much made a living out of barely making a living.  But until recently, I've never had to scrounge for quarters to buy milk or opt out of traveling because I couldn't afford to put gas in my tank. And I've certainly never spent quite so much time on the phone with creditors. It's not that I see this privileged suburban version of poverty as some sort of epic catastrophe, because I know with everything in me that it's not.  I sleep in a comfortable bed in a roomy house with cupboards that are unquestionably full enough to sustain me until this bump in the road passes. The point of me bringing this up is that my current situation has given me a new appreciation for personal responsibility and the marks that we leave on each other and on our communities. I didn't think that I was overly entrenched in consumer culture, but I can clearly see now that I am. And it feels like a huge waste. I've always relied on credit as though it's a free, limitless resource to which I'm entitled, because I've never come so frighteningly close to maxing out before. So when I have money again, I'm going to pay attention to every penny.  I won't buy high-end junk food from Whole Foods or take vacations that I can't afford, because in the end when the money runs out someone else will inevitably end up burdened in some way (whether directly or indirectly) by my carelessness. Now that I've seen that, it's a really big deal to me that I never let it happen again.

Can I just say how much I am loving being home for good?  I mean, I'm worried about finding a job and getting my articles drafted, but other than that it's just really nice to not feel split between two lives. I've been eating better and walking the dog and cultivating some other good habits that I'd been neglecting...all good things.  Once a job is in place I think I will feel settled for the first time in a really long while.  Hope life is treating you all well!

8 Things I Want You to Know about Anthropology

1. Anthropology is not the small, well defined job description you probably think of when you hear the word.  Margaret Mead was an Anthropologist, and Temperence Brennan on Bones is an Anthropologist and I suppose Indiana Jones is an Anthropologist as well (though we’ll talk more about the last two later on).  But really, there are countless other ways to be an anthropologist too, because…

2. Anthropology is not a What, It’s a How.  An anthropologist worth his or her salt can bring their training to bear on just about any problem or question involving human beings. This training varies across the subfields of cultural anthropology, biological anthropology, linguistic anthropology and archaeology, but always includes a defining commitment to unbiased exploration, respect for all, and the importance of context. Anthropology is, essentially, about working to understand the whole story surrounding any given problem or research question.

3. Anthropologists work with all sorts of populations. We work all over the world with small indigenous groups, populations in developing countries, and western populations.  We may even work within our own communities.

4. The subfields are not discrete boxes, and plenty of anthropologists pull a bit from several in defining their niche. Many even pull from outside the field entirely to supplement their knowledge base.  As a biomedical anthropologist, I’ve had basic training in genetics, evolutionary theory, international health, epidemiology and research methods. I’ve also spent a lot of time honing skills in critical reading and communication.  There are few academic disciplines today that offer the same degree of latitude in training.

5. If you leverage that freedom effectively, the job possibilities can be great. While it is true that you will rarely come across an job posting with the word “anthropologist” in the title, someone with anthropological training can be suited for jobs in academia, public health, cultural resource management, nonprofits, museums, hospitals, human service organizations, forensics laboratories, education…I could go on, but you get the point.  The caveat is that in a lot of these situations, the onus is on the individual to effectively convey (in cover letters, resumes/CVs, and interviews) their qualifications.

6. Anthropology is not as glamorous as the media would have us believe. This probably comes as no surprise to anyone, but a typical day at work (if there were such a thing) does not include kidnapping, shoot-outs, undercover work, or epic history-altering treasure hunts. To the forensic scientists out there- we feel your pain! Though many anthropologists do participate in or lead active field work (gathering data on a particular problem or question right where it’s happening), sometimes “the field” is right outside their own door. And no matter what, a significant amount of their time is often spent in front of a computer managing data or synthesizing field notes and figuring out exactly what their observations are saying.

7. However, sometimes we get to do some REALLY cool stuff.  As far as I know, there’s not much that is more fun than a party in the anthropology department, especially if the drinks are flowing.  I’ve heard stories about treks through the Himalayas, weddings on Vanuatu, mystery illnesses in Siberia and Guam, and stifling field seasons spent on the Kenyan savannah. And that’s just from the folks I know personally. Right now there are anthropologists working to contain the Ebola outbreak in West Africa, and a team from the University of South Florida is helping to identify the bodies of 55 boys buried at a notoriously abusive reform school west of Tallahassee…children who may otherwise have been lost to history forever.

8. Anthropology is vital and worthy field.  Please understand this, if nothing else. There are plenty of jokes about the pointlessness of the degree and the supposed naiveté and unrealistic idealism that allegedly leads people to pursue it, but that is bad intel from uninformed individuals. There may be an element of idealism for some of us, but that’s not an empty idea, it’s a drive to bring about positive change where we can, when we can. And from what I’ve seen so far, it’s a drive backed up by an awful lot of hard work.

What I learned...

1. I may never be capable of writing long pieces at will, but I think I am ok with that.

2. I also kind of stink at walking the line between conversational writing and formal writing.  I am not ok with that, so I'm gonna work on it.

3. Even two paragraph columns in a local paper make one's Google results look better

Now onto sorting, packing, and graduating. Here's the the next adventure. 

My latest awkward attempt at science writing! Yay!

To wrap up my science writing adventure, Mike and I have agreed that I would take a single topic and address it for three separate audiences- children, adult non-scientists, and adults with relevant scientific background.  In order to sneak in one final chance at getting published, I used another “Ask a Scientist” question as my inspiration.

The question, asked by a 6^th grader named Mary, was “Why do kids react to getting hurt by crying? If something were to take the place of crying, what would it be?”

Here is the answer that I gave Mary, with some notes added:

“Crying, in some form or another, is something humans and many other animals do to signal to others when we are in pain and in need of help. Though opinions vary on whether or not humans are the only animals who actually shed tears in response to emotional or physical distress, it is clear that the behavior is significantly more evident in us than in any other species.  However, most mammalian and bird species do vocalize distress in a way that is recognizable by other members of their species (and, often enough, by us- maybe I can write about interspecies empathy next!).

Babies cry from the moment they are born for several very basic reasons- they are hungry, they are uncomfortable, they are tired, or they are in physical pain, though they do not actually produce tears until they are a few months old. Because they cannot communicate yet using language, their caretakers must be very well attuned the sound of their cries in order to interpret what they need. Though basal tears- which keep the eye moist- and reflexive tears- which are produced in response to irritation- develop within a few weeks after birth, babies do not have the capacity to cry emotional (or psychic) tears until they are about 7-8 months old.  The scientific literature on infant crying and its impact on caregiver behavior is vast, and a lot of really intriguing stuff has come out of it. Some studies have shown that hunger, pain, and general fussiness each produce specific crying patterns that can be identified.  Pain cries tend to have a higher pitch and intensity than other types of cries…and formal research aside, anyone I know who has spent significant time around infants and young children can rapidly recognize a wail of pain when they hear it. Interestingly, there is also some evidence that babies’ cries follow the cadence of the native language of their culture, which strengthens the idea that crying even in infancy has a distinctively social component.  A 2003 fMRI brain imaging study even showed differences in the brain’s response  to infant crying based on gender and parental status (Seifritz et al 2003).

           

As we grow older and develop language, we can ask for what we need more often than not and do not have to resort to crying.  However, sometimes when children are hurt they become overwhelmed and feel helpless, and crying is an easy and automatic way for them to express that and to get the attention, help, and comfort of their parents or someone else who is nearby. Adults typically have developed other ways of coping with physical pain and so are less likely to cry actual tears, but they may still yell or scream if something hurts badly. Of course, this isn’t 100% true.  Though I am not one to cry from physical pain- I am much more likely to say very bad words, very loudly- I know plenty of grown adults who cry when they are physically hurt. I’m not in a place to speculate as to what drives one reaction as opposed to another, but the fact is that, for whatever reason, the shedding of tears successfully fulfills its signaling function in adult humans. Research has shown that he likelihood that a person will respond to distress with tears is positively correlated with the probability of resulting social support- even elementary school aged children are able to apt to modulate their crying behavior in order to maximize positive responses and minimize negative or shaming ones.  

           

In addition to this, there are physiological reasons for crying as well. When something stressful happens, like an injury, our bodies produce chemicals that prepare us to react to a harmful event. Sometimes crying is a part of the activation of that system.  The exact role of crying (actual weeping, not simply tearing) within the stress response is not clearly defined, but studies suggest that it is linked to the parasympathetic response, which (very broadly) is the body's attempt to move back into "normal" mode following a stressful event. Evidence of this endocrine influence is in the tears themselves- emotional tears have traceable levels of a number of different hormones which are not found in basal or reflex tears. 

Interestingly, studies have shown that hearing a baby or child crying also activates the stress response system in the people who hear it, which is a good way to ensure that someone responds quickly to the person in distress.  So I think that if something were to “take the place” of crying, it would have to be something that could get the attention of someone to come and help.” This is just an interesting recap of what we’ve already covered- that crying as a social signal requires a sort of “give and take” between the distressed individual and another member of the social group. As it has been around a while in evolutionary time, this give and take, at least when it comes to the young, has in a way become hard-wired  

  I was pretty happy with what I managed to sneak into a 400 word response, but was also excited to have an excuse to dig a little deeper because, although this topic might seem like it came out of left field, the evolutionary and psychosocial significance of crying is actually the idea that first drew me an evolution-based view of behavior and health in the first place.

In 2004, though, when I attempted a literature review on the topic, I was able to find about a half dozen articles that dealt with crying as an adaptive behavior in neurologically intact adults. I ended up switching topics due to the lack of info…a last minute move which, because the universe has an interesting sense of humor, resulted in my turning in the paper three days late amidst lots and lots of tears.  I wish I could say that there’s been vast improvement to the literature and my time management skills, but I’d be lying on both counts.  Still, though- there’s something to be said for the eloquence of the situation.  My very last academic writing assignment is a mirror of my first attempt…and this time it was only one day late.

           

 Mampe, B., Friederici, A. D., Christophe, A., & Wermke, K. (2009). Newborns' cry melody is shaped by their native language. Current biology, 19(23), 1994-1997.

Seifritz, E., Esposito, F., Neuhoff, J. G., Lüthi, A., Mustovic, H., Dammann, G., ... & Di Salle, F. (2003). Differential sex-independent amygdala response to infant crying and laughing in parents versus nonparents. Biological psychiatry, 54(12), 1367-1375.