Sunday, January 20, 2013

The kinds of resolutions I don't usually make

I know a lot of folks think that new year's resolutions are a waste of time, but I have to admit that I am a big fan. I've always been a sucker for a clean slate...plus I get to make a list, which is one of my all time favorite hobbies.

I usually go with the usual practical standbys- lose weight, spend less money, read more books, get better grades...and while I am still trying to keep an eye on all of those things in 2013, I'm thinking it would feel really, really nice to throw in a few that might make me feel better while I do them, as opposed to feeling pressured under threat of failure.

So here they are.

In 2013, maybe I will...

..say no a little more often, and not feel guilty about it.  It's not that I never refuse a request for help, just that I often wait until I'm out of energy to do it.  And sometimes that means that I refuse to do something I otherwise would have been happy to do, because I've already spent my resources elsewhere.  In short, I want to be more judicious with my time and energy.

...remind myself that I am completely capable of being a productive team member.  I am constantly anxious over my responsibilities, primarily those related to work and research but also occasionally coursework and personal stuff, because I somehow feel that I am not good enough to meet these challenges.  Of course, I will not perform spectacularly at every turn- I am no better than anyone else.  But it turns out I'm not less able either.  And acting as though I am will only harm both my productivity and my psyche.

...cook awesome stuff as often as possible.  Ok, so this does not fit with the initial theme in the sense that it's decidedly specific and practical, but it IS intended to bring more joy and and contentment into my life. It keeps me in the present, and I need that so, so badly. I miss cooking and baking and feeling like I live in a real home. I actually did a reasonably good job of maintaining this balance last semester- maybe not all the time, but overall I managed better than I thought I would. It helped a lot, so I anticipate that putting even greater emphasis on it now could only help more.

In any case, I accept at this point in my life that I am an anxious person by nature (or by environment, but clearly that ship has sailed, so in my experience it doesn't do much good to overanalyze!) and I don't want that to define me.  Life has too much to offer.

Happy 2013 guys. 

Thursday, January 10, 2013