Let the Fun Begin!

I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE SCHOOL!!

Exciting, no?

I've already secured my spot and sent my apologies to the other university. I'll be at Binghamton  this fall, working with an awesome and down-to-earth group of people I had the pleasure of meeting a few months ago. 

It's know I mentioned this in the last post, but I'm still amazed my how quickly I manage to vacillate between eager anticipation and utter dread when I think about moving.  It's not the studying or writing papers that gets to me...not for nothing, I've been doing that (on a lesser level, I KNOW) for years.  School I've got covered.  It's what I DO.  But moving to a city where I don't know anyone, and leaving my beautiful sweet dog behind to do it....that shit's terrifying when I think about it too much.  And I'm always thinking about it too much.
           I am trying to detach from the present and take a broader perspective, though, because I NEED to do this program.  I allowed Other Crap to take over once before (a story for another time, and one that requires bourbon), and I've been given a second chance.  I want to make the most of it and not have to fight myself every step of the way. Of course, it goes without saying (or should from now on) that even more importantly, I WANT to be there. More than anything.  Fascinating research, intelligent and curious colleagues, local dive bars where my baby sister isn't the bartender...I get so friggin' excited about it I wanna do cartwheels (but I don't, because I've never ever in my whole life been able to do a cartwheel).  And then the anxiety gremlin creeps up and tries to get a vise grip on my chest and I don't wanna go anyplace at all, because ohmygod something TERRIBLE could happen...

...because parking my ass on my mother's couch for the past two years has prevented so much of the world's tragedy.

I've let the little monster run my life for a really long time, and it's time for that to end.  Screw you, anxiety gremlin. Take a hike.


(That's my version of a pep talk.  Sorry if it gave anyone a headache.)